pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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