um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
