why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
