I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
