Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize
