Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
