good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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