I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
