worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize
