life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
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