You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
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