you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
