not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
