Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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