No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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