Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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