he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
