so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
