Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
This is classic penis vs brain.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
me + whiskey = a bad person
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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