i was born a porn star she said
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
