dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
