You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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