I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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