My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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