He asked to "fluff my boner.."
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Randomize
