I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
