If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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