Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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