you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
