if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
he fucked my hip out of place.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Randomize
