You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
