Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Randomize
