I think i peed on brittanys purse
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Randomize
