Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
