she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Randomize
