considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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