Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
