She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
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