I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
