This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
