Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize
