i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
It's shark week go big or go home
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
