I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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