Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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