It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
