So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
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