I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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