I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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