he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
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