They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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