I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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